Dog Snot Diaries

So, I’m walking my dog the other day and stopped at a watering hole to let her swim around some. It’s a pretty popular spot, and there were a few other dogs there as well. I’m throwing Maggie’s dummy out for her to retrieve, when another dog runs over to me with his dummy and drops it at my feet. I throw it for him, and begin throwing for both dogs.

After a few minutes, a woman walks over and we start a conversation about our dogs. She is sitting on a fallen log (this woman is HUGE) and I’m tossing the dummy for Maggie and Tobey (her pup). The conversation turns to politics (as it usually does with me). She was a flaming liberal, but it wasn’t a confrontational discussion. She asked what I did for work, I told her. I asked what she did for work. “I’m disabled”. I told her that was too bad, and asked her what happened. Her reply?

“I can’t control my weight.”

I asked her what was wrong, she said they don’t know, keep trying to put her on diets, but none worked.

So she get a paycheck because she’s a fat ass? You’ve got to be shitting me. My tax dollars are paying for this? Fuck work. I’m going to buy a case of Little Debbies and spend the day on XBox 360. Think of all the free time I’ll have! Morbid Obesity….here I come!

…..and I sure spent a shit load this week. What did I buy? A better question would be “what didn’t I buy?”

For starters, I added to my shaving collection. I switched to wet shaving awhile ago. Nothing beats it. Not only is it a much better shave, but it brings back the tradition of shaving like a man. No longer do I rub crappy gel shaving cream into my face and drag a Mach III across it. Now I take the time to work up a lather with shaving soap and a badger hair brush. Then I strop my “new” (circa early 1900’s purchase #1, no picture) straight razor with my new (purchase #2) The Well Shaved Gentleman four sided paddle strop. Wow. What a shave.

I also bought tickets to the Faith Hill/Tim McGraw concert next month. I probably would have saved myself a ton of dough had I not waited until the last minute. I still managed to get great seats, but I sure paid for them.

Then, today, I picked up this:

I’ll be keeping my wallet closed for some time to come.

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