I suffer from road rage. Not the type of road rage you see on tv. I don’t race around like a moron. I don’t flip people off. I don’t lay on the horn and bump you. I just sit there silently and steam. I really don’t believe it’s my fault. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one suffering in silence, either.
How the fuck do old people keep their driver’s licenses? Seriously. If you can’t drive faster than 10 mph, stay off the road. If you can’t obey the simplest of traffic signs, stay off the road. If you come to a complete stop when you get confused, stay off the road. Sweet Baby Jesus, I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to start walking everywhere. It’s faster.
This morning I’m cruising through the rotary, following a car that’s barely moving, and the idiot STOPS every time he reaches an on-ramp to allow people to enter the rotary. Are you fucking kidding me? We sit there at each ramp until the entire line of cars enters. I wanted to get out and rap on his window. “Hey fuckwad, that yield sign is for THEM!”. Even if it wasn’t, they have their own merge lane. One that I can’t use to pass this relic because it’s being used to merge, as designed.
Sunday, I’m coming back from the Cape. This is a fairly long ride, which is consistently dragged out by the silver-back doing 55 in the left hand lane. Here’s some friendly advice. If the cars to your right are passing you, move the fuck over. What is so enticing about the left hand lane? Do you like being as close as possible to the white line so you can stay on the road? Is the scenery better? Are you looking for cans?
Then there is the day tripper, who putts around town at 10 mph below the posted speed. He slows at every cross street, squinting at the road sign. Has he missed his turn? Is he checking the spelling? Who knows, but he finally commits to a turn, puts on his left blinker, swings way left, then turns right. Please stop driving. While this is horrible, it’s not nearly as frustrating as snow bird in the 1972 Crown Victoria that you pull up behind at a stop sign. Traffic must be clear for 3.7 miles in either direction before he’ll pull out.
Please. Take away your grandparent’s license. Save my sanity.