Dog Snot Diaries

I write, you whine….

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Road Rage

I suffer from road rage. Not the type of road rage you see on tv. I don’t race around like a moron. I don’t flip people off. I don’t lay on the horn and bump you. I just sit there silently and steam. I really don’t believe it’s my fault. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one suffering in silence, either.

How the fuck do old people keep their driver’s licenses? Seriously. If you can’t drive faster than 10 mph, stay off the road. If you can’t obey the simplest of traffic signs, stay off the road. If you come to a complete stop when you get confused, stay off the road. Sweet Baby Jesus, I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to start walking everywhere. It’s faster.

This morning I’m cruising through the rotary, following a car that’s barely moving, and the idiot STOPS every time he reaches an on-ramp to allow people to enter the rotary. Are you fucking kidding me? We sit there at each ramp until the entire line of cars enters. I wanted to get out and rap on his window. “Hey fuckwad, that yield sign is for THEM!”. Even if it wasn’t, they have their own merge lane. One that I can’t use to pass this relic because it’s being used to merge, as designed.

Sunday, I’m coming back from the Cape. This is a fairly long ride, which is consistently dragged out by the silver-back doing 55 in the left hand lane. Here’s some friendly advice. If the cars to your right are passing you, move the fuck over. What is so enticing about the left hand lane? Do you like being as close as possible to the white line so you can stay on the road? Is the scenery better? Are you looking for cans?

Then there is the day tripper, who putts around town at 10 mph below the posted speed. He slows at every cross street, squinting at the road sign. Has he missed his turn? Is he checking the spelling? Who knows, but he finally commits to a turn, puts on his left blinker, swings way left, then turns right. Please stop driving. While this is horrible, it’s not nearly as frustrating as snow bird in the 1972 Crown Victoria that you pull up behind at a stop sign. Traffic must be clear for 3.7 miles in either direction before he’ll pull out.

Please. Take away your grandparent’s license. Save my sanity.

posted by Geoffrey at 11:11 am  

6 Comments »

  1. Honest to God, I want to send a couple of rounds into the ass of the fuckers that don’t get out of the left lane. They’re going EXACTLY the speed limit, so they’ve self-deputized themselves and won’t let anyone else drive faster than themselves. It’s THE PASSING LANE, you morons.

    I commute at least 3 hours a day, here in the “we know what’s best for you” mentality SF Bay Area. I feel your pain.

    Comment by The Other Mike S — November 22, 2007 @ 2:04 pm

  2. I feel your pain brother.

    Comment by Kurt P — November 22, 2007 @ 10:46 pm

  3. I live by a rotary/roundabout and so many people are total idiots. I say Screw ’em! Pass them in the right hand lane a few times and they usually get the message. Unless you’re in the car with youngsters or the preacher’s family, let it out. Nobody really gives a rats a$$ whether you’re singing with the radio, talking back to the radio, or letting the nimrod in front of you have it.

    Just don’t cross the double yellow no matter how much they frustrate you; that’s the biggest NO NO there is.

    Comment by gorhamgirl — November 24, 2007 @ 6:05 pm

  4. Not that I want to fuel stereotypes, but around in Q-town we have 30% of the population that has proven themselves completely unable to drive. Going 15 mph in a 55 zone? Guess who? Taking a left hand turn from the right hand lane? I wonder who it could be? Coming to a dead stop in the middle of the intersection for no reason? Good it be…an Asian? Why yes! It most certainly is.

    Okay. I do want to fuel the stereotype. I swear they all go to the same driving school.

    Comment by Heather — November 26, 2007 @ 11:52 pm

  5. In southern California, it’s called DWA “Driving While Asian”. Go figure.

    Comment by gorhamgirl — November 28, 2007 @ 9:28 pm

  6. I’ve always wanted to drive through traffic with a snowplow attached to my truck and just start knocking people out of my way when they annoy me. Now that’d be fun.

    Comment by Gordon the Magnificent — November 30, 2007 @ 3:29 pm

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